Denial in the Family

If denial is a hallmark of the disease of addiction of the addict, it's presence in those around the addict or alcoholic is of marked interest. It seems that a little understanding of psychology is necessary to understand how someone who is drinking during the work day or spending the rent money on cocaine or ignoring their children might, out of pure self-defense, turn a blind eye to their addictive and self-destructive behavior. But for those around the addict to ignore the suffering and self-destruction, it seems more difficult to grasp.

After all, if any of us had a family member who developed a sore on their leg that they seemed oblivious to, wouldn't we at some point take them aside and say "You seem unaware, but there's this cut on your leg you might want to tend to." And if this same cut became infected and swollen and red, wouldn't we, in great haste, point it out? And if the limb attached began to blacken with gangrene and emit the odor of decay, and the person attached to the limb remained unaware, wouldn't we do anything in our power to make it clear to them that they need treatment?

This is not always the case with alcoholism and addiction. Family members living in the same household with a person dying in front of them seem incapable to act in any meaningful way to save their loved one. Not because the love is not there; not because they wish the addict's demise; and not because they're stupid. It's because of denial, this shared blind spot that has grown in relation to the disease process.

When the drinking first starts, the family thinks "oh, it's not really too bad." And as the drinking continues, families change in their perception of what defines "too bad" so that it's not until the disease is fully out of control (until the limb is blackened and putrid and horrid) that some families get the strength to speak up.

Recovery is possible of course, even in the worst and most life threatening cases. But recovery is never limited to the addict alone. The family will need to examine its own views on addiction and alcoholism. The best drug treatment centers make this a natural part of their program. So that if relapse occurs, it can be arrested by those around the addict before the sore gets fully infected.